Should Have

In this part, is where I realize that I missed a chance
I have this script in mind, when I linger in your arms
I should’ve said something, not just being too drown by enjoyment

“I’m going to state this, but please just listen, and don’t bother.

I’m so sorry, I find a comfort within you.

I’m going to miss you so much.

You know when I’m quiet, I just think how about later? Us?

Am I going to through it easily like before, or what we’re afraid of happen.

Because, before this, I never felt it to-and-with you.

And about this, why I need you to not bother, because I’m afraid it’ll lead into something.

Something I’m gonna regret why I stating this.”

I said that, but I don’t have courage to look into your eyes
While my arms also hugging you, and my tip fingers made a tiny circular motion
I just hope, when I said that, your respond either just a quiet or something regretful
Because we both know, we can’t be a thing
Look at me now, the result of didn’t say that has the same if your responded too painful to hear
I should’ve said something back then if this has the same effect
Or
Let me imagine something beautiful for once, please
When I stated, your respond is just by lowering your head a bit
So when our eyes in the same level, you kissed me
That respond, will lead another confusing act and meaning, perhaps
Whether it soothed me, or worried me
Damn, why can’t I be happy for once even in imagination?
Poor me, poor this heart, and blessed another soul that just died

foolishness

I'm such a fool for decide to stay.
Just because I believe that he will come back.
But what if he won't?
Sighing calmly, because it's not so hard for me.
Time heals, always like old times.
I won't start open it again soon.
I'm afraid of hurting someone.
Then I make a border like old times.

I'm believing you like a fool.
A couple days when you were mine,
Or making me was yours.
I kept guessing that it was the sign,
When you know that I will waiting.
You imprint me, like a wolf do.
But who am I kidding.
I'm just a fool for believing.

if we're fate, we will

listen this song below to accompany you while reading this

I got the chances to know him better
even I know him already for eight to nine years
I had only two days
but all I got is nothing

He changes a lot
every second, I studied him
every chances, I took it for learning about him
that two effin' days he treat me good
handle with care, like a fragile thing
more than a friend, less than a couple
but that two freaking days, he is more than a good partner
I, almost, put my heart on him fully
ugh, my... yeah he got my soft spot there
that two days, fly so fast

I don't know the meaning
and we both know, we can't, yet
you don't want to make a promise that can easily broken
a very good sign, I do agree

that two days, every minutes of it, I put it in my memory
and later on, if we're meant to meet again, we will
we both busy by our activities, flowing
and in some moment, I let the memories rushes
hurt a bit part of my heart
but oh so sweet of you, you prevented me to do more of it
you don't want me to feel more
automatically make me hurt a little bit more

when the truth hurts earlier, I don't think to agree
people, see many sweet imaginary stories
which the right one said to don't wait for it
and so many years later, you both happily ever after
my anxiety disagree
oh thanks logic, I'm still having you
we don't know the fate God made

that two damn days
he don't want me to make my hopes up
but he's made me to by the way he acted
screw you
screw me

that forty eight hours of us
every memories, I play in repeat
shiz, my whole life is a movie
scripted by the Grace
I'm so thankful to have this feeling
feeling every quotes screaming out there

Unseen

I made a huge mistake
I broke someone's heart
I smashed it
I betrayed it
And it's too late
It's already scattered around
I can't make it whole again
I couldn't?
Everytime I tried to assemble
I bleed, by egoism
Unstable ones stir everything
I left first, I stayed last, everytime.
It doesn't mean anywho left, won't suffered
It suffered. I suffered.
It caused I lost the spark
I couldn't find it anymore
Nor in you, neither in anyone else
I stay still
I don't search for it
I choose to
It's fractions back like it used to
Here am still sightless

Unsaid

Some things better left unsaid
They got someone to rely to
Still, they see me like I'm the one who left
Some things better left unsaid
They whine and smitten
Still, they didn't the one who listened
Some things better left unsaid
They easily beg
Still, they pushed me to do so
Some things better left unsaid
They can feels any be alive more
Still, they (even) unintentionally agonize

Sad Song

I like it alone, quiet, and dimmed lights

In that situation I can breathe

Let my emotions flow freely

Like any emotion that I can’t show when in reality

It seems time stops for awhile

Give me a break to pamper myself

Even so I will disguise like I didn’t misery

Reason is reality too demanding

Sometimes it shows when in a middle of a night

No one could help

I’m awake

Like you that probably are asleep

I wait, but you just quiet

I’m wasted

But I stay, it much better than I give up

It hurts, better I’m hurt than choosing others

I cannot choosing other, I won’t be with someone else

No one above you

So I let silence swallow me

I kept it myself, I said nothing

Listen to sad song to make it better

As day by day I pass it through

I keep it alone, quiet, and accompany with dark room

it doesn't mean

It doesn't mean I'm grateful
You choose me instead the others, still I'm an option
It doesn't mean I'm okay
You tell stories about your past, because I’m your present
It doesn’t mean I’m happy
You socialize, but I’m left alone
It doesn’t mean I’m frivolous
You averse me when they’re my mate
It doesn’t mean I’m lighthearted
You merriment with others when we bicker
It doesn’t mean I’m helped
You tell others straight, so I know indirectly
It doesn’t mean I’m coldhearted
You disclosure without waiting me to open
It doesn’t mean I’m settled
You whine to be comprehended, me also
It doesn’t mean I’m selfish
You objectify me when I want subjected
It doesn’t mean I’m cavalier
You unthoughtful of yourself to me
It doesn’t mean I’m fine
You spurn when others say ‘me’
It doesn’t mean I’m thankful
You compare me most 

sudden emotion

my heart, it hurts
all of sudden
like i can't breath normally
it stuck, stops in my throat
cold felt in my fingertips
head spinning

i wan to cry oh i want to
but i can't

i miss you
who?

je ne sais pas
j'espère que vous avez ressenti la même
et alors, vous comprenez ce que je ressens