no same stories

I know being selfish sometimes felt so good. Why? You exactly don't care what people feel, you only do care to yourself.
Don't try this fellas, it's not healthy for your social living. Because you immediately will be hated by some people around.

But you know, oh-so-my-former-lover? I did that for a reason to you...
Sorry for that. But now the table turning back to me.
I care about you, again.
Uh I know, its sound cheesy but, yeah, I am.

I'm holding back my million feelings and questions. Something like I want you share about your life again. I want you to ask me about how is life going in my daily basis too. How you treat me like I'm your bestfriend. Ask you, everything when I left. Blurts something you and I will laugh, telling the truth on both sides, remain silent when we're side by side, simply joking around. But, sorry, I'm still hold those back. And who am I kidding? Those feelings and memories appear again, in different way.

I won't start these feeling all over again. I won't start my hatred of you again, yeah, its the part of my selfishness. Hatred is a deep word tho.
Also, your friends, i'm sorry for what I did, I know i've hurt him much. I knew that you told about your conditions back then, and some of your friends that i literally knew, knowing "our" condition and they started to shot me a glared. Yeah, those eyes of em, i knew the meaning beneath staring and glaring. Keep asking why, and how.
It's none of your business, buds.
Back again, I won't repeat any of it. Definitely, I'm so done.
So, what sud we do about our twist then? Because everyone deserve a second chance, even if someone out there wait for you to be their first in line.

You, I learned so many things. Thanks for those lessons you gave me.

a form of being hurt by self

Memori terbuang
Perlahan kemudian kuabaikan
Kualihkan perhatian
Menikmati yang berjalan
Tak tersadar mulai perbandingan
Kusingkirkan
Kemudian perhatian akhirnya melukai
Tak percaya siapa lagi
Engkau membayangi
Menyembuhkan yang terlukai
Berkembang memori
Rindu sendiri
Dikaluti gengsi
Ditutupi perasaan hati
Digelapkan pikiran benci
Dihina kesanggupan diri
Ditakuti negatif
Sakit terpatri
Lalu membuka telinga
Merasakan nyanyian
Alunan biru
Sesak memenuhi kalbu
Aku meringkuk
Matirasa membatu